GK D.
Photography by Katie Fox
If you’re reading this, advocate for yourself.
Sometimes, “moving on” from traumatic experiences looks more like giving myself grace and forgiveness, than just “letting it go.” Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is something that I thought only soldiers of war could be diagnosed with. Years after being the witness of a scarring car accident of one of my best friends, I was still angry at myself and confused as to why I couldn’t just “let it go” like those around me told me to. The deep resentment in myself grew, and pushed me further away from seeking help, thinking that if I just ignored the flashbacks, eventually they would go away.
Unfortunately, due to PTSD chemically affecting the brain, it was impossible to go through this alone. I am not here today to write about how awful the aftermath of the accident was. Instead, I want to validate to you that the deep etched, painful, and hard things you might not talk about with your friends and family are real. The traumas that we all hold are those that deserve to be healed and expressed, no matter how far down they are pushed, or how many people tell you to just “get over it.” It took me two years to come to my realization that I couldn’t fight off the nightmares alone.
Therapy and getting help was so important for me to be able to control my emotions when the flashbacks do happen. Sometimes these episodes do come back to haunt me. However, I have grown to realize that healing isn’t linear, and I still should be proud of how far I've come. After a few months of doing really well and not experiencing any anxiety attacks related to my PTSD, I had thought that I was done with it, and finally “over it.” Until I watched a movie that had a triggering scene, and I had a flashback. Luckily I have amazing friends who were there to support me, and I am grateful every day for their unconditional love. I was so upset at myself afterwards, thinking that all of my work over the past couple years had gone to waste. After some reflection, I forgave myself for having the now-engrained reaction that it does to triggering things.
Knowing myself better and what triggers these attacks has allowed me to better advocate for myself in social settings and the classroom, documenting what triggers me to Wake Forest resources and getting accommodations accordingly.
You matter, and are so much bigger than what haunts you. Healing isn’t linear, and PTSD isn’t something that just soldiers endure. Taking a leap of faith to seek help can save your life.
GK D., Wake Forest
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