Evan B.
If you're reading this, know life is more than what happens inside your head.
For much of my first 20 years, I have been trapped in my own thoughts— deceived by my mind and beaten down by my own brain. I have followed each and every negative or frightening thought down a spiraling rabbit hole of anxiety, obsession, and shame. For the longest time, even now, I have convinced myself that I am defined by these thoughts. The spiral leads me to see myself as a bad person, a person undeserving of forgiveness, love, or understanding. I know this sounds dramatic, but that is the power that thoughts can have over us. They can wreck us— spoiling vacations, relationships, days, months, and even years of our lives.
Anything good, I think myself out of.
I once read a quote on TikTok while rotting in bed that struck me: "I have thought myself out of happiness a million times, but never once into it." Happiness is something we have to allow ourselves to feel . While it’s easier said than done, the thoughts we give power to, that we repeat to ourselves, are the ones that we believe.
But it’s not always our thoughts that shape how we see ourselves. I’ve made mistakes, real ones, beyond just the ones in my mind. I have hurt people through careless actions, and those mistakes make self-forgiveness and grace significantly harder. My missteps give life to my negative thoughts, tightening the spiral—a relentless negative feedback loop. I do not say this to absolve myself of past wrongdoings, nor do I say this to pity myself. This isn’t about justifying bad past decisions but about finding the strength to forgive the person we see in the mirror.
We have all done things we are not proud of— things that have hurt people. Another of my recent "hopecore" TikToks includes a quote from the Cleveland Guardians manager Stephen Vogt, "learn the lesson, leave the event." At that moment, you made a decision. That decision is final. The finality of life is what makes it valuable. The choices we made in those moments cannot be undone. But what we can do is take steps forward–learn, grow, and make better choices in the future. There is no value in endlessly stewing in the past.
You can always be good. Take it easy on yourself.
My favorite of all my recent "hopecore" quotes comes from Theo Von: "If I'm feeling bad, that doesn't mean I'm doing bad, that doesn't mean I am bad." And that’s exactly my message to you.. Be nicer to yourself. Do not follow every thought spiral. Let yourself enjoy things. Move forward, take action, and forgive yourself.
Live outside your head.
We don’t define our friends by their worst moments or their darkest thoughts—so why should we define ourselves that way?
Evan B., Clemson University
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