Ella K.
Photography by Margeaux Edwards
If you’re reading this, it is okay to put yourself first.
I grew up in a small southern town, in a traditional southern family, with an outwardly appearing picture-perfect life. As you can guess, life was anything but perfect on the inside.
My parents got divorced. I survived things I have never told a soul about. I struggled to find my own voice in a culture where women were silenced. I fought to become an ally for anyone and everyone I could in the same culture that wants everyone to be the same.
But for the first 19 years of my life, I sat in the same bedroom I came home to in 2001 and accepted all those things because that is what society wanted me to do. I was put into a box by the atmosphere I was living in; I was not evolving; I was growing stagnant.
Then I moved. I was criticized for moving from the south to WSU. People thought I was following a boy. People thought I was running from my problems at home.
What I have since learned is I was never running from; I was running TO.
I was running, sprinting, chasing something new. I was running to a life that was for me. I was running to a life that I created and that I designed.
It took me well over a year to understand why I have become so much happier since I have arrived at WSU; I am happier because choosing WSU and running TO a new life was the first decision I had ever made where I put myself first.
I have met the most incredible people and fostered an entirely new community. A community I built on my terms. Not because anyone else told me to and not because anyone decided for me to. I built this life on my own by putting myself first.
This “selfishness” is something I was always told would make me less attractive or less ladylike, and this was a dilemma I have struggled with for a while now.
Is putting myself and my needs before others’ okay? Will others forgive me for putting myself first? What are the limits to putting myself first before I cross a line of selfishness that I cannot return from?
I am still seeking the answers to all these questions as this version of myself that puts me first is still new. But what I have learned is that the world is better with me in it. The world is better with you in it. There is no limit to putting yourself first, as your mental and physical health will never be surpassed in importance by anything.
I cannot help others until I help myself first. I must put myself first. I must put my mental health first. I must put my physical well-being first. There is nothing more important.
If you’re reading this, it is okay to put yourself first.
Ella K., Washington State University
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