Eleanor C.
Photography by Katie Fox
If you're reading this, you aren't alone.
I know that is cliche, but it's true. So many people silently suffer, afraid to be open about their struggles. So you aren't alone. As someone who suffers from anorexia, anxiety, and depression, I know how hard it is to suffer in silence. To not know how to get help or where to get help. To wish away everything I was feeling. But what I've learned is that there is beauty in your struggles. Asking for help and being open about your mental health is much more beneficial than keeping it tucked away.
I went to a very competitive high school. Everyone always compared grades, social status, what brand of clothing you wore, what college you were applying to, etc. In my most important developmental years, I learned that comparison was just a natural part of life. It became my second nature. I began to compare myself in every single way to my friends, peers, or even random people who I passed by in the grocery store. This led me to fall down a very dark hole where I constantly beat myself up mentally for not looking like other people. The negative self-talk I engaged in led me to believe that if I wanted to fit in, I needed to change how I looked. I was never overweight, but I had an athletic, healthy build which was against the societal norm of a skinny body type, so I felt like I had to change. This belief ultimately led to my eating disorder. I thought that if I changed the way I looked, then people would appreciate me more. So, I silently went about my life, faking a smile here and there, working out at weird hours to hide what I was doing. I didn't want people to know because I didn't want people to judge. And, no one knew for a while. But then my mom said something.
She noticed that I was going down an unhealthy path the summer before I moved to college, and she persuaded me to find help. This opened up my eyes to the reality of what I was going through. Once I realized the extent of what I was doing to my body, I decided that I wasn't going to live in silence anymore. I wasn't going to suffer without a support team to help me through my hardest days. I wasn't going to feel alone. So, I started to go to therapy here in Winston-Salem to find peace with my illness. I shared my story on Instagram and created a podcast talking about my history with mental health to help others know that they aren't alone. The outpour of stories I received from people who were dealing with the same thing and who also felt so alone was astonishing. I had no idea that there were other people who were living the same way I was. All it took to find a community was asking for help, opening up, and sharing my story.
So, if you're reading this, you aren't alone. There are people out there who care about you, who want to understand your struggles, who want to know what you are going through, and who want to love you for who you are, broken pieces and all. The most beautiful thing about my mental health is that I now have built friendships with other people who have struggled with the same things as myself. It has expanded my circle and allowed me to find the most genuine of relationships.
So, if you're reading this, don't be afraid to be open. Don't be afraid to share your story. Don't be afraid to ask for help. There is always someone else out there who is just waiting to find out that they aren't alone too.
Eleanor C., Wake Forest
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