Claire W.

Photography by Gamecock Volleyball

If you’re reading this, know you are not alone and it will get better.

Being a student-athlete comes with a lot of pressure and responsibilities that can sometimes be very overwhelming. Being a student alone is a ton of work. Going to class, homework, tests, and more gets exhausting and can come with the feeling that you are not good enough if you don't make the grades or fail a test. This mindset is not reality. Life comes with ups and downs, but it will be okay even if you miss an assignment or don't do as well as you may have wanted to on a test. Being a student-athlete has required me to encounter a ton of obstacles such as time management, tough practices and workouts, and failure, but it also comes with a ton of pressure and expectations, which can get very overwhelming. Seeing thousands of people in the stands watching your every move is very nerve-racking, but I have learned to tune out the audience and trust my skills. I have been playing volleyball since I was 10 years old, so I just tell myself this is what I have been practicing for and that I know I can do this. People put too much pressure on themselves no matter if it's in sports, school, or social life when in reality no one is perfect, and what we think is "good enough" is impossible. 

Negative self-talk is another big issue in my life, especially in sports. If I mess up or don't have a good practice, the things running through my head are "I suck", "why can't I play volleyball", "I am not good enough",  or "I'm the worst" when it should be "I got the next one" or "I can do this". This is something I'm working on because not only do I feel the pressure to perform for the school, my coaches, and my teammates, but also from myself from holding myself to a near-impossible standard of perfection that I could never reach. 

In February, I got hurt and had 2 stress fractures in my fibula, and was sidelined for months. Seeing my teammates get to practice day in and day out was very hard for me to watch, and we had to cancel all of our spring games since I was out. I felt so bad and that it was all my fault, but in reality, I couldn't control my injuries. Two months go by, and my stress fractures aren't healing. I had the option to either get surgery or continue to wait to see if it got better and if it didn't get the surgery later. I opted to get the surgery which entailed getting a six-inch plate and eight screws put into my leg. I could not walk or put any weight on it for weeks, and it was pretty hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel of what felt like an everlasting injury. I started rehab which was tough and painful, but something was never really right in my leg. The incision was not healing, and we did not know why. It got really bad, and so I went back to the doctor and they said it was infected and I had an allergic reaction to the stitches. I was immediately rushed into another surgery to get everything out. After the second surgery, I had a huge hole in my leg that was supposed to heal on its own. A couple of days later, a wound vac was put into the hole in my leg which was very embarrassing, I refused to leave my house because I had a tube coming out of my leg and had to carry around a machine wherever I went. I slowly started coming back, and I am very blessed that I healed just in time for the season and am back on the court playing 100%!

Dealing with the physical side of my injury was tough going through a lot of pain and retraining how to walk and balance on that leg again, but the mental side of it was a huge factor as well. I really could not see the end of the injury and was scared I would not get to play this season. One thing after another kept going wrong, so it was mentally draining taking one step forward and then something going wrong and taking five steps back. Some days I felt great and we could progress, but the next I may not even be able to walk. One thing I learned throughout this whole journey was perseverance. Perseverance can pertain to any situation in life whether it be a tough assignment, an injury, or maybe just getting out of bed in the morning. Know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and this will start looking up, it just takes time. Time truly heals everything, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Time gives us space to think and heal no matter the situation.

If you are reading this, know you are not alone. No matter what you are going through, your feelings are valid; no matter if the problem is big or small. There are always others going through similar troubles as you. Keep in mind though, that mental health is relative to the person and should not be compared to others. If something is troubling you, do not hesitate to reach out just because you feel that your situation is not as bad as so-and-so's situation. Do not feel as though your problems are not important. You are important enough.

Claire W., University of South Carolina

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