Anonymous
Photography by Jim Brown via iStock
If you’re reading this, it’s okay to say no.
As a people pleaser (guilty as charged), I often find myself bending over backwards for those in my circle and beyond. If I know I can make someone’s day better or help them in any way, I’m going to go out of my way to do it. I never expect anything in return for it, I simply enjoy seeing people happy; it’s just who I am. However, as commendable as it may be, it’s become very difficult for me to tell someone ‘no’ because I’ve gotten so used to saying ‘yes’. Even if it isn’t feasible for me to help them, I catch myself doing my best to work around obstacles that are precluding me from helping them, when in reality it would be easier to say I can’t accommodate them this time.
Moreover, on the rare occasion that I actually do say no, I tend to internalize it; although I shouldn’t feel this way, rejecting their request makes me feel like a terrible human being. When I say no to helping someone out, I feel that I’m the reason they miss an opportunity or lose out on something. I also have a hard time doing things for myself without feeling selfish; because I’m such a generous person, I struggle with putting myself first when I’m aware I could put someone else’s needs before mine. It might seem silly, but the number of times I’ve decided against buying that new dress, necklace, etc. because “I don’t need it, I’m overprivileged” is uncountable.
Since I spend so much time taking care of everybody else, I’ve forgotten what it means to take care of myself. Yes, I adore making others happy, but I’ve grown to realize that it isn’t always worth the emotional pain it causes me. I’m certain I’m not alone in experiencing these emotions, so to the wonderful individual reading this, you’re allowed to say no.
You’re still a good person even when you say no; being a good person also includes being good to yourself. You may not believe it, but trust me, you are absolutely worth it and deserve the love that you try so hard to give everyone else. I know all too well how awful it feels to not be able to help someone out, especially when it’s someone you truly care about, but, let’s face it, we can’t do everything. Is it tough to accept that we aren’t superhumans? Sure, but we shouldn’t degrade ourselves for that reason. In fact, we should rather praise ourselves for trying, because it takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to be present for others, even while we have quite a bit on our plates.
Before I close, I’ll leave you with this; go do something that makes you happy. Don’t think about anyone else, whether they would approve of the activity or not, just do it. As great as helping people is, we need to remind ourselves that we matter too and have our own needs and wishes as well. So whatever it might be, do it for yourself and no one else. Thanks for reading, and remember to take care of yourself!
Anonymous., Arizona State University
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