Arturo T.
Photography by Emma Kraus
If you’re reading this, it’s going to be ok.
I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve been swimming laps from middle school to high school to college to a gap year to medical school. Like swimming, you spend most of your time with your head looking down but never ahead. With every new stage, I feel I have to prove myself and then turn around and do it again. Med school has been hard. There were countless times in third year where I felt uncomfortable and like a failure. My clinical grades dropping wasn’t just that; I worried I was too robotic with patients, not empathetic enough, or just a bad learner.
Those things weren’t true. In prior situations where I had failed, like confidently strolling into my first Orgo exam and walking out with a 57, I didn’t assume there was something wrong with me. It took retrospectively viewing the situation to realize how absurd it was to take every bad moment to heart. The fact that I was struggling just meant I was growing every day. Instead, I had to be kind to myself. I grew comfortable with the idea that I’m not my greatest successes or worst failures. You are not the voice of self-doubt saying you’re not good enough. Would you say you are the song lyrics that pop into your head while doing laundry? Recognize that you have bad days and good days and you’re so much more than the bad days.
You are likely above all else, a person who loves learning and wants to help others. We were told we need to find a calling that could be our narrative. Isn’t that just a little extra? The truth is if you are reading this, you are a grander narrative. You with your actions and the love of every person that has ever helped you. You’re a tapestry of human experience: bad dates, stomach aches, and moments so beautiful it hurts. You’re so much more than your career it’s ridiculous. A rewarding career where you help others is wonderful and it lets us do incredible things but always hold yourself in higher regard than your job.
You are probably an excellent learner and doing your best learning all you have to. Be generous to yourself. At no point in history has anyone been expected to casually learn as much as you as fast as you’re doing it and the fact that you’re learning any of it is something to be celebrated no matter how much time it takes to get there or what the letter on the paper says. If it feels like it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, that’s normal. A lot of people feel this way. The system isn’t kind to learners. Find joy in the childlike optimism that brought you here. It’s in the moments where everyone else is rushing around. Try to connect with yourself and everyone. Recognize that everyone in this pressure cooker you’re working in is doing their best. Treat them kindly, humbly, and curiously because by doing this you’ll nurture more kindness, humility, and curiosity in the world.
Arturo T., Boston University
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