Anonymous

Photography by Margeaux Edwards

If you’re reading this, you are not alone.

Death is a part of everyone’s life at any given point; it can be unpredictable and confusing, making it hard to accept.

Growing up I had a lot of friends, but I had never considered someone to be my best friend. It was hard for me to open up to people, and I struggled with trusting others. It took until 10th grade for me to have a best friend and it felt great to know someone who brought out qualities in me that I previously didn’t have.

I started college in 2019 and found myself enjoying it as well as the Greek system. I was doing well in school and was surrounded by fun people. Most Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I would finish class at the CUE and walk to Southside Café with my best friend from my hometown to recap our days and get some food. We were both new associate members in fraternities and shared similar interests.

This all changed when I went to class and I didn’t see my friend. I went to his fraternity brothers and asked where he was, and they gave me a blank, awkward stare. I didn’t think of it as much until after class when I heard a rumor of an associate member dying on “Big Little” night. That’s when I put two and two together.

I called my parents, brothers, and friends back home to tell them the news. I hadn’t experienced any deaths before and telling others that a close friend of ours died was difficult. After I witnessed my friend’s parents pack up his dorm room, I flew home that day to be with family and get my mind off things.

I took two days off from school, and during that time I went to a memorial service and stayed with friends. In hindsight, I wish I had taken more than two days off as well as spent some time alone or with a therapist because I never truly got to process the event of my friend dying. To this day, I struggle with emotion and the fear of attachment.

It has been three years since the incident and although I’m nowhere near perfect, each day I tell myself that my friend's legacy lives through me and that he is proud of me, smiling down on me.

Anonymous, Washington State University

Connect With Us

To follow IfYoureReadingThis at WSU on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to WSU students, visit our chapter’s homepage.

AUTHOR CONTACT

This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.