Annie H.
Photography by Emma Kraus
If you’re reading this, stop apologizing.
I’ve heard this sentiment before, but somehow it is never enough. Don’t apologize for taking up space. Don’t apologize for prioritizing yourself.
After my dedicated study periods for board exams, I often find myself reaching out to friends I haven’t heard from in weeks. “Sorry I’ve been busy, but I’m back on the grid now!” Why am I apologizing? What am I apologizing for? Though the questions are rhetorical, I still try to answer.
I’ve noticed, too, that when I disagree, the statement begins with an apology. “Do you want to get sushi tonight?” “Sorry, that won’t work for me.”
I repeat sorry so often that the word has become meaningless. Sorry is a wide net I cast to catch any ounce of blame or guilt and make it my own. Sorry is an opening statement, a catchphrase. I am a turtle belly up, my weaknesses revealed before they were even called to question. There is a neon sign over my Achilles heel.
“Sorry to be a bother.” “Sorry to be reaching out.” “Sorry, can you repeat that?”
I’ve lived as if the only thing worse than taking the blame is to be wrong. To take up space. To be noticed for your faults and your flaws, instead of slipping them gracefully behind a single word. Sorry is the bow I attach to my less desirable characteristics. It is my hall of mirrors - you are blinded by sorry, and my errors gracefully slip past.
I will stop apologizing.
It will take time and patience, and require me to assert my square footage. It will force me to take the lead instead of responding, to question instead of answer.
Instead of apologizing for being busy, I will ask why you didn’t reach out first. Instead of being timid in the face of wanting something different, I will make sure my needs are known.
If you’re reading this, stop apologizing. Don’t just own your faults and your wants – make space for them too.
Annie H., Boston University
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at Boston University on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Boston University students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
AUTHOR CONTACT
This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.