Abby C.
Photography by Satya Yalamanchi
If you’re reading this, you’re allowed to stray from the path.
Does anyone else feel like they’re having an identity crisis every three days? I mean seriously, I swear I woke up yesterday and was half-tempted to Uber to RDU, get on the first plane to France, and live out my life as a baker in the countryside. If you asked me to name every job I know right now I could name three: doctor, lawyer, and whatever the hell econ majors do. I’ve known my major since I arrived at Duke, and yet I haven't even begun to start declaring for reasons I don’t quite understand. Summer applications keep asking me what I want to do for a career like I have an answer, which I don’t. A friend asked me yesterday what I’m passionate about and I had enough of a crisis to write this letter.
I think it’s very easy to feel like every Duke student has a long elaborate life plan with a million steps and they’re on step nine hundred thousand; meanwhile you don’t even have a plan for your day yet. I love that Duke students are motivated. I think it pushes me to be the best and the most involved version of myself, but I also think it's important to remember that just because everyone seems like they have their lives together, it doesn’t mean that you’re behind.
My third semester was pretty much my own personal hell. I took CompSci 201, Bio 201, Orgo 1, French 204, worked 20+ hours in a lab, and was an active member or executive for three other clubs. I was genuinely stressed every second of every day, and I could really feel my mental health dipping lower than it had been since the height of the pandemic. I didn’t have time for any of the outlets or things I enjoyed outside of my major, and I definitely felt the effects. The only reason I subjected myself to that course load was because everyone I knew was in at least three STEM classes. I figured if everyone else was doing it, I should too.
This semester, I registered for classes without talking to anyone about what they were taking. I’m in two bio classes without labs, a French class, and a playwriting class. The balance is beautiful. I’m still busy, don't get me wrong, but it's the kind of busy that makes me happy, not stressed. I think it's important to be able to block out all the noise of what everyone else is doing and focus on what’s going to work best for you, because in the end, that’s where you’re going to be the most successful.
Beyond that, I think it's important to remember that not everything is for everyone. Another thing I’ve been guilty of doing since high school is forcing myself to participate in activities because I think it will make me into the person I’m supposed to be. I’m the happiest I’ve been at Duke right now because I’m working to accept the person I actually am instead of trying to make myself into someone I’m not. Forget about ten year plans and whatever John from your chem class is doing; make the most of your Duke experience by doing what makes sense for you.
You know yourself better than anyone else does anyway.
Abby C., Duke University
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