Anonymous
Photography by Derrick Brooks
Dear Reader,
This author’s letter describes their personal journey with disordered eating and OCD. We advise those who may be triggered by this topic to practice caution when reading this letter. If you are struggling please reach out to one of the resources listed on our Resources Page.
Sincerely, The IfYoureReadingThis VCU Team
If you’re reading this, you will make it through.
An experience that was really emotional for me was the recovery process when it came to my mental health. I have OCD and it started to really affect my eating habits. Each meal became debilitating to the point where I would have a panic attack at least three times a day around mealtimes. My OCD developed into an eating disorder as a sense of control and my low weight affected everything in my life. I dropped to a dangerously low weight that made me not think as clearly, which caused me to make some really terrible decisions during that time. I eventually had to go into a partial hospitalization program and intense therapy because I lost all sense of bettering myself and recovering. My decision making and judgement was so shot that I had to get therapists to tell me how to be a person.
I think some advice I would give myself is nothing is permanent and you can do anything you set your mind to. When I was in that state of mind it felt like nothing would ever change and I was stuck in this cycle that could never be broken. I know now that time heals all and the recovery process is not linear. I may have setbacks but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I have learned to be my own biggest cheerleader and advocate because no one knows what’s going on in my head except for me. Changing my own mindset has helped me immensely because I no longer see my OCD as an enemy or an ugly part of myself that I need to hide, but a friend that makes me who I am.
Anonymous, Virginia Commonwealth University
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