Anonymous
Photographed by Jordan Wozniak
Dear reader, this author’s letter describes their personal experience with sexual violence, and we understand that this topic may be triggering for some individuals. We advise those who may be triggered by this topic to practice caution when reading this letter. If you are struggling or need any additional support, please reach out to one of the resources listed on our Resources Page.
Sincerely, The Team of IfYoureReadingThis
If You’re Reading This, Life can be painful.
It's unfair, unloving, heartbreaking and cruel, but it's literally just pain. Not suffering. Pain does not equal suffering. You don't deserve to suffer. Life is beautiful. You just need to hope and trust that.
I like being in the shadows. That’s what I thought my whole life. That I like being the shadow, the narrator, the invisible person seeing through the real lens of life. I believe that. Ever since I was 7 years old.
Fast forward to now, I believe that 7 is an angel number. An angel number signifying good luck. But that's what they all want you to believe. I also believe that God, like the Bible says, rested on the 7th day, the lucky day, but that’s also what they all want you to believe.
It was known to me that 7 was lucky. That 7 was blissful. That 7 was good, just like my middle name. But it was unknown to me that when I was 6, going to turn 7, my life would shatter. My self image, worth, and love would go out of the window. That I would wind up screaming and crying for help at the age of 16. Asking my family & friends for help in subtle ways, but always getting denied at every attempt. Them questioning, if my cries for help, were just jokes or for attention. But, again I get ahead of myself.
I’m an immigrant. I’ve migrated from Africa to The Great United States of America. But let me tell you a secret. The US isn’t what it seems. Remember when I said my-self everything was destroyed? Well America destroyed it further. First it was the Priest, then it was my uncle, then it was the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. The Priest was an introduction to my uncle. Then, my uncle metaphorically and physically, stripped everything down to my bare bones and left me naked and defenseless at every corner, abusing his authority with me in every way. And when I told, I was denied. Not only denied but also blamed. And again, I was only 7. Then came America. This country taught me at a young age to hate myself. That my skin was the most vile thing on the planet, my personality was loud, I was nothing but the soil on the ground that everyone should walk on. And I believed it. I believed them.
But life moves forward. And although America had affected me, it gave me my future. It gave me my best friends, one of my support systems. And now years into the future, I’ve graduated college with an associates in business and a bachelor’s in accounting. Now, everyone calls me a genius, beautiful, and talented. But, what I truly know to my core is that, I wouldn’t have completed these things without my support system, hard work and knowing my limits. One valuable thing I learned is you must know the source of your pain, and your limit in that pain in order for you to progress and start healing.
If you’re reading this, I know what true pain feels like and know that pain is what creates healing, that when you get a scab and you become vulnerable because of that scab, it doesn’t mean that in a few days or even months, that scab will be completely healed. If you’re reading this, know that I was reading this just like you for solace, for grace & ultimately, for understanding. Know that your family, your support system, regardless of it being by blood or by creation, is there to give you hope. That there is a life worth living, worth maintaining. Find your hope. Find your support. Find that person or thing you can trust because life can be cruel, life can be painful, and life can be heartbreaking; but life isn’t meant for us to suffer. It is meant for us to live a life full of love.
If you’re reading this, life doesn’t equal suffering; it’s painful…..but choose to see the beauty in life, because you don’t deserve to continue suffering.
Anonymous, Virginia Commonwealth University
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at VCU on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to VCU students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
