Sarah C.
Photography by Alexandra Pentel Lawlor
If you’re reading this, it’s okay to take a pause if you need one.
If you’re reading this, you can give yourself permission to pause and reevaluate what is best for you in this moment. Doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness. I'm writing this from home as I take my own pause from my work as Clinical Care Manager at Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). This was not a planned pause, but a necessary one. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression 15 years ago. Recently, the perfect storm of health issues, family and work stress, and not caring for myself led to my anxiety impacting my ability to work. Ironically, I’m often in the position of helping students consider a medical withdrawal from school for mental health reasons. Students’ resistance to taking a pause is often strong, laced with shame of “not being enough” to make it at UVA. When the need for my own pause became evident I felt that same shame, that I wasn’t able to cut it as a mental health clinician in a high demand setting. I resisted this needed break and tried to push through. Days before I finalized my decision to take the time I needed to heal, the esteemed director of Penn CAPS, Gregory Eells, died by suicide. I did not know him, but this brought to light how very important it is for clinicians to show our humanity and to follow our own advice, however hard that may be. Once a student recently diagnosed with anxiety asked me, “Does this mean I’ll feel this way forever?” She worried she would not be able to become employed, have a family, and live her life the way she envisioned. I know all too well the worry she felt, but I also know that you learn to manage mental illness and it does not define you. I told her, “many people live full lives with a mental health diagnosis, but it is something you’ll need to pay attention to. Sometimes you will need to take a pause from the demands you are placing on yourself and ask for help.” Little did I know that months later it would be time for my own pause. We all struggle, even those of us with the training and experience to deal with mental health issues. It takes great courage to pause and to be open about our experiences amidst the ever present stigma around mental health. At first, I just explained away my absence as “health issues,” but part of my healing relies on being my authentic self and to let students know that I stand alongside them. It is okay to take a pause if you need one.
Sarah Cooper, University of Virginia
Counseling and Psychological Services Faculty
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