Professor Stepanic
Photography by Dominick Fini
If you're reading this, be proactive about your health.
I mean that in general: a proper diet, physical activity, and the variety of ways to live a healthy life. Like many people on this site, I struggled with mental illness. In my case, it was linked almost entirely to a physical condition I have, Crohn's Disease. The important detail, however, is that it took doctors roughly seven years to determine the cause of my various complaints, physical and mental. I can remember when it started in March of 2003 when I awoke in a state of panic, something I had never experienced before and which completely altered who I was as a person. At the time I was a very calm individual, I had practically no stress in my life, enjoyed what I was doing, and had rarely encountered any form of mental illness. Suddenly, that all changed and what began was a downward spiral of questioning myself and who I was as a person. Extreme mood swings, minor delusions, extreme anxiety, and many other symptoms became the norm. If you can think of a mental symptom, I likely had it to some degree. During this process I unfortunately learned quickly who really cared about me and who didn't, including friends. This is perhaps one positive side of mental illness, the people that actually matter become beacons in darkness to you, and the rest fade away into the shadows. But if I have one regret it's not that, it's that I was not proactive about my health early on.
Almost immediately when I started to go to doctors with my complaints, which included a variety of seemingly unrelated physical complaints like a burning sensation on my face and tongue, extreme fatigue after hours of sleep, and so forth, my symptoms were disregarded as something specifically, and only, mental. This was an unfortunate pattern I recognized quickly, and I know a number of people with chronic diseases who have experienced the same phenomenon. Quite simply, I was beginning to question myself because people I trusted to help me were defining me as insane. I became afraid to ask simple questions for fear I would be perceived as paranoid and I can remember a number of instances when doctors disregarded various complaints as stemming from depression and/or anxiety specifically. It seemed the universal hook on which to hang their hats when they were unable to determine what was really wrong. Luckily, I retained some sense of self, for I knew, and felt, that there was something "off" in my body, I simply didn't know what it was.
But, eventually, in my loneliness, I gave up seeing doctors altogether. I was sick of being disregarded, sick of being sick, and sick of being treated as though I was insane every time I walked into the clinic. So I started to treat myself as both patient and doctor, becoming very familiar with articles on NIH, and other sites, as I tried to determine the root of my problems. This led to diet journals I would keep meticulously for months, among other things, until I was able to enter a state of something like normalcy. I learned early on that certain foods seemed to lead to depression and anxiety, and others did not, so a close record of these things led to a strict diet that gave me control over my mental health, at least. My physical health, however, continued to decline. Unfortunately, all I had done, unbeknownst to myself, was prolong the inevitable. By the time I was 30 a deep vein clot filled up most of a vein in my left leg, I weighed 80 pounds less than I do now, my hair was falling out, my skin developed a translucent, pale look, I had a stroke, severe infections, and almost died twice. It was at this point that doctors finally believed that it wasn't "in my head," though perhaps it literally was in a way due to the stroke.
It was then that I finally met the doctor who changed my life, a now-retired hematologist at the UVA Cancer Center. After sobbing to her and summarizing seven years of pain, she responded that I had Crohn's Disease. I often wonder if I had been more persistent instead of giving up on myself, in a way, would I have met her earlier or some other doctor with enough sense to perform the correct tests? Regardless, once officially diagnosed I learned what to eat over a period of roughly two years. Today, with my diet and an anti-inflammatory medication, my symptoms are under control, and I'm constantly amazed at how something as simple as food can drastically alter my mental health. Thus, my biggest regret is I didn't push doctors to figure out my issue earlier in the process. Western medicine has a habit of treating symptoms and waiting for things to manifest rather than tackling it early. Today, I'm very forceful with my medical care, requesting tests as I feel it necessary, for example, and without that mentality I would, at this point in my life, lack the ability to walk, or more likely be dead. So, if you've read this far, regardless of what your condition is, whether partially physical, entirely physical, or mental, take care of yourself! You would likely be surprised at how much a simple dietary change can drastically impact your health in general. (As a little tip, processed sugar is a big one!) And don't be afraid to assert yourself when you know something is wrong. No one knows your own body and how it feels better than you, and try to never lose sight of that. Stick with the people who support you, and learn how to part ways with those who do not.
Stanley Stepanic, Assistant Professor
Department of Slavic Languages and Literatures
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at UVA on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to University of Virginia students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
AUTHOR CONTACT
This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.
