Neeve G.
Photography by Jessica Pentel
If you’re reading this, know that it is okay to need people.
My whole life, I have prided myself on my independence. As an only child, I have always operated by myself and developed the skill of being alone from a very young age. In school, I was never one for group projects, always having to take the lead or redoing the assignment the way I wanted it done. I rigidly adhered to the mindset- if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. To me, my self-sufficiency was my super power.
Once I hit college, however, my inflated sense of individualism became more of a weakness than an advantage. The hometown friends, the ones who knew me well enough to see through my apprehensive first impression, had moved on to other schools. I had to make new friends. Jarred by an unfamiliar setting, I began to develop social anxiety- finding it difficult to open myself up to new people and experiences, and constantly second guessing myself around others. To compensate for the nervousness that was taking hold, I would tell myself “I’m just an introvert”or “I would rather spend some time alone anyway”. But these delusions did nothing but remove myself further from the world, as I sunk deeper into myself.
In this year of global isolations and quarantines, I have found myself the most alone I have ever been. Due to the pandemic, my roommates chose to take classes from home, leaving me on my own in our Charlottesville apartment. With a full schedule of Zoom and online learning, I spent days without seeing another soul outside of a computer screen. Weeks of stress and solitude took their toll, causing my mental health to slip. Each day felt like years, loosening my grip on reality. I sank in and out of depressive states, feeling so removed from the things that once gave me joy. I struggled to connect with my friends, convincing myself that I would be bothering them with my “trivial” problems. While the rational part of me knew that my situation was temporary, I struggled to picture an end to my loneliness.
After months of feeling so alone and alienated, I reached out to one of my friends at UVA. Where I expected indifference and judgement, there was love and understanding. In a way, asking for help grounded me and gave me some perspective. I realized I had been so obsessed with my own idea of independence, I had cut myself off from the people I loved most. Now, I’m making space in my life for the people who bring me joy.
My whole life, I have seen myself as an individual: self-reliant, self-sufficient and separate. Now, I see that I need more than just myself. I need connection. I need people in my life who I love, and who love me. And that’s okay.
If you are reading this, I hope you know that it’s okay to need people. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to reach out to someone you love. No one is an island. It's the love we have for each other that makes life worth living.
Neeve G., University of Virginia
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