Mariella T.

Photography by Alexandra Pentel Lawlor

If you’re reading this, your hard work is not in vain. 

Diminishing returns is a concept I learned about in high school econ that came running back at me during my 2nd year at UVA. The way I like to explain diminishing returns (in the life sense) is that there is a point where any work, studying, emotional energy, relationship, exercise (you fill in the blank) you continue to do past a very real threshold becomes hurtful and counterproductive. Despite hours of studying hard for finals that semester, I was left high and dry with poor grades in several of my major classes and deep emotional exhaustion. Safe to say the returns had diminished. 

I came back for my 3rd year fall ready to forget the semester before and hit my stride. I remember feeling like I had learned what I was supposed to from the semester before and worked my butt off again—except for the fact that this time it was for a class I cared deeply about because I adored the professor, went to office hours religiously with well thought out questions, and felt like I really knew what I was doing. Come winter break, I opened my final grade report and felt like I had gotten the wind knocked out of me. Another sucky grade. I felt embarrassed knowing I would have to face this professor in the class I was taking with them the following semester—a class typically reserved for students that excel in the prerequisite—something I had by no means done. It felt like I had lied to myself and my professor all semester and I started to question if I had what it took to see my major and my goals through to the end. 

But then things took a turn—but not in the way I was expecting. My grades didn’t magically change (and more bad ones were to come!) but what did change was that I realized I had gained a lot of skills I didn’t expect. I could ask really good questions and I could talk to my friends when they were going through the same thing from a place of real empathy. I could advocate for myself in academic situations and I learned the importance of putting people first. 

The point is that even if you work really hard at something and it doesn’t work out how you planned, the hard work will pay off eventually. It may not be in the way you originally thought, but it always does. This is not just in regards to academics, but any relationship you may have or any emotional experience that requires an investment from you. 

Someone once told me to be proud of myself because someone needs to see me be proud of something they are ashamed of. In my case, this means having an ugly transcript, getting test scores that I’m wildly unsure are ‘good enough’ to carry me through to grad school, and being unsure of what lies beyond for me, which are things we all struggle with. I choose to be proud of this, not in an “it will all work out well in the end” kind of way, but in a “it is going to work out somehow, and I’ll be better for it” kind of way. 

Just remember: be gentle with yourself and keep fighting the good fight because the hard, good work you are doing is not in vain. 

Mariella T., University of Virginia

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