Kennedy A.
Photography by Cat White
Before reading, please know this letter shares personal struggles with food and eating disorders, along with the physical and emotional challenges that come with it. If you feel reading this kind of content may trigger you, we suggest you read another letter, such as this one.
If you're reading this, remember that healing is not linear but a journey of persistence and resilience that brings you closer to the stronger person you are supposed to become.
I first remember struggling with food during my junior year of high school. Although I was never formally diagnosed with an eating disorder, my unwillingness to admit I was struggling kept me from seeking help. I recall waking up in the middle of the night, hungry and barely able to move, struggling to find the energy to complete basic daily tasks, and being sick constantly. My breakfast often consisted of just a granola bar, and I would hope it would sustain me until I could collapse into bed from exhaustion.
Fast forward a year, my eating habits were not as extreme, but my mind was still preoccupied with thoughts about food. Questions like, "What will my next meal be?" "How many calories are in it?" and "Why can't I eat the small amount I used to?" often consumed me. Some days, my focus would shift to obsessing over protein intake and convincing myself I was “healing.” In reality, I merely found a new way to disorder my relationship with food. I also tried to reassure myself I was “healing” by going out with friends and eating whatever I wanted, only to feel guilty and angry with myself later.
Today, I wish I could say I was “fully healed”, but the truth is, you can be healed physically and still face mental battles. You never truly forget what you've been through; each challenge and struggle shapes who we are and makes us stronger. While I have physically recovered from an eating disorder, the mental scars run deeper and take more time to heal. It’s easy to get discouraged with the slow progress, but no one emerges from hardship fully healed overnight. Healing is a journey, filled with both good days and bad. I’ve learned that it's crucial to give yourself grace for those tough days and to keep moving forward, no matter how difficult it may seem. Embrace every step, and trust that each day brings you closer to the person you're meant to become. For me, sharing my story is a testament to the strength I’ve gained throughout my own healing process. So, if you're reading this, remember that healing is not linear but a journey of persistence and resilience that brings you closer to the stronger person you are supposed to become.
Kennedy A., University of Virginia
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