Emma F.
Photography by Rhianna Womack
If you’re reading this, I want you to know you are not alone.
The summer going into my Freshman year of college, my mind and body became disconnected. I no longer felt in control over my life, and anxiety completely overcame any good moment in my life. I have experienced transitional anxiety before, but never to the extent that I did that summer. I was hit with an overpowering feeling of tension in my stomach, tightness in my throat, and complete exhaustion caused by the ultimate battle of fighting these feelings.
I remember sitting down attempting to listen to the mindfulness recordings that my therapist advised me to. I was confused because I didn’t have any anxious thoughts, but my body was telling me differently. My body couldn’t relax to get through the tapes. I just remember being desperate for any relief because I just missed the feeling of being able to lie down in my bed without feeling scared for no reason.
I felt hopeless that I would never gain that control back. I feared that I would lose my intimate relationships with my friends, family, and boyfriend because I felt misunderstood by them. I felt most connected to my older sister who had suffered from anxiety before, but I always thought my anxiety physically affected me so much more than everyone else. I didn’t feel “normal,” and I genuinely thought I would never be able to take a deep breath and mean it again.
After a rollercoaster of a month, I saw a new doctor who made me feel as though what I was going through was completely ordinary. I remember her saying “if this doesn’t work, we will just try something else, but there is always something we can do.” I slowly started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Most importantly the moment I realized that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling and that there are scientific reasons for the way I was feeling, I knew I would be okay.
Looking back at this period of time, I am proud of myself for how far I’ve come since then. Anxiety comes in temporary waves that I still experience from time to time, but I know that I am stronger than it. This time around, I won’t let it break me down because I have people in my life that I am not scared to be vulnerable in front of. I also find peace in knowing that my experience is not completely unusual, it’s just anxiety.
So, if you are reading this, I know how scary these negative emotions can be, but you are strong enough to get through it. I hope you know that no matter what, there are people out there experiencing similar things to you, and there will always be people willing to help you.
Emma F., University of Michigan
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