Delia C.
Photography by Ally Szabo
If you’re reading this, please know that you are enough and you belong.
When I was a child, I was always proud to tell my peers how I was adopted from China. It was something that my whole family celebrated, and they never made it a taboo topic in our household. My family is everything to me, and it would never bother me how different I looked from them. Every week my parents would read me the book I Love You Like Crazy Cakes by Rose A. Lewis, which outlined her story of adopting her daughter from China. My father would dance with me and my sister to Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Cinderella” in the living room each weekend, as we twirled in our Disney princess nightgowns.
But once I hit middle school, my view on my adoption became tainted. Unfortunately, adolescents are cruel and can make ignorant comments. A classmate once said, “So what I gather from your story is that your real parents did not want you and threw you out into the streets.” Another peer commented on how my food looked “exotic” and asked if it was Asian cuisine. What she did not know was that my parents are white. I was also on the field hockey team, and some of my teammates did not believe me when I pointed out who my mom was in the crowd.
Fitting in is one of the main objectives of most adolescents. However, I felt like I was doing the exact opposite. While interracial adoption is a beautiful thing, it can leave the adoptee with identity issues. To this day, I feel like I am “too white to be Asian” and “too Asian to be white.” I was raised in a white household, so I do not know much about my native culture, but my Asian appearance makes me feel different from my peers. This made me feel like I had a foot in two separate doors.
Not many people talk about the mental health challenges of adoptees. When I became old enough to understand my story, it made me feel a plethora of emotions: sadness, anger, and relief. I felt sadness for never having the opportunity to meet my biological family, anger towards the One Child Policy that was in place when I was born, and relief for the fact that I was lucky enough to be adopted. Sometimes I experience bouts of guilt because I feel sorry for the children in the orphanages who never found their forever home. Subsequently, I place a copious amount of pressure on myself to be perfect because I want to make my family proud. I also have abandonment and attachment issues because of my traumatic past.
During high school, my mental health took a turn for the worse. I went to a small public high school – about 100 students per grade. I was shy in elementary and middle school, so not many people truly knew who I was. This made it hard for me to connect with others because everyone had their friend groups by the time high school rolled around. When I finally became more outgoing in high school, some people were harsh and would tell me how I was “too nice” or “too happy.” This criticism completely broke me. As an adoptee, not “fitting in” has even more depth. I used to think to myself, “I was not enough for my biological parents, and now I’m not even enough for my peers.” Rather than wallowing in self-pity, I decided to focus on my grades. I ended up graduating as the valedictorian of my class and was admitted to every college that I applied to.
Because of my hard work, I am forever grateful to say that it gave me the opportunity to be a Villanovan. When I got to college, I promised myself that I would be outgoing and would make everyone I met feel welcomed and loved. I am proud to say that I have achieved this goal. As a Blue Key Tour Guide and an Orientation Counselor, I am here to tell future Villanovans and new Villanovans that they have a place here. If you are reading this, please know that you are enough and you belong. You have a purpose and were beautifully made. Never doubt yourself for a second because you have so much to offer to this world.
Delia C., Villanova University
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