Apollonia L.
Photography by Ashley Kung
If you're reading this, you can always start over.
When I reflect on my darkest moments, it’s clear that I wasn’t living in alignment with what made me me. It felt as though a tidal wave was pushing against the path I was walking—my thoughts and values were misaligned with the desires I was speaking into existence. My talents and passions were being forced into a mold they didn’t fit, and what I loved was begging me to notice, but I neglected to—until I finally did.
From the moment I arrived at the University of Florida, I was on the track to medical school. It felt good to tell people I was aspiring to be a doctor—it aligned with my family’s expectations, combined science with improving people's lives, and made me feel like I could achieve something great. But if you look closely at what I said, there’s a pattern of vagueness. What exactly did I like about the field? What made me identify with it? What inspired me to wake up every day, dreaming of making a meaningful impact using my unique strengths and talents? I couldn’t answer those questions—at least, not until I walked into my physiological psychology class and joined my first substance use disorder research lab.
Through engaging discussions, I realized I had the creativity to help answer unsolved questions. I began to see how I could use my voice and knowledge to advocate for vulnerable populations, cry with patients from substance use treatment after getting closer to healing, and experience pure joy and fulfillment talking about psychopathology and improving treatment outcomes through clinical science models. That was when it clicked—I adored the field of clinical psychology. How could I not pursue a career as a clinician-scientist once I realized I could answer those questions?
The truth is, you already know where you belong. It’s just a matter of time, experience, and finding the strength to be honest with yourself about what feels right. When that moment comes, you’ll feel it in your core. Sure, the path to achieving your goals won’t be easy (in fact, it never is), but it won’t be suffocating. It won’t bring tears to your eyes because you feel lost or cause pressure in your chest and a sick feeling in your stomach because you’re headed in a direction that doesn’t align with what you love. It won’t make you snap at your loved ones because your soul doesn’t feel seen. Instead, you’ll cry from exhaustion, but also from the deepest sense of fulfillment. You’ll feel nerves and pressure in your chest as you approach meaningful milestones. You’ll feel overwhelmed because you’ve said yes to so many wonderful opportunities that there aren’t enough hours in the day. And most importantly, on the good days, you’ll experience the fullest happiness you’ve ever felt.
It can be terrifying to realize that what you thought you were meant to do isn’t where your heart truly lies. You may fear disappointing your loved ones, or think that changing direction means you’re quitting. But remember, you wake up with you every day. It’s never worth living a life where your truest self does not breathe easy with.
Above all, your heart’s calling is a deeply personal journey—it’s between you and the vision of the life you want to live in 5, 10, or 20 years. It takes courage to be vulnerable about your dreams, but the world is so much brighter because of your unique gifts. You deserve to share your full potential with the world. Embrace your calling and fall in love with it.
You can do it. You can achieve anything. Be brilliant; be brave; be you.
With all my love and hope for you,
Apollonia L., University of Florida
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