Anonymous

Photography by Alexandra Pentel

If you’re reading this, keep going.

My entire life I have been told that people like me, statistically, are less advantaged.  I have been told my entire life that I wasn’t smart enough, rich enough, strong enough, able enough. People usually say that this motivates them, and it did motivate me, but it also weighed me down.

I have struggled with anxiety my entire life and it is something I battle with every day.  Feeling nervous all the time, even when it isn’t necessary. Feeling my heart race, my stomach in knots, my hands shaking. I couldn’t control it, but I have learned to overcome it, and to push it to the side and let myself succeed.  However, just because I have been successful and have come far in my life, against all odds, does not mean I am cured of my anxiety or that in my darkest moments I don’t think about running away from all of it.  I have to push my myself every day. I force myself to get out of bed and go through each day, even when it seems like there is no end.  Even when you question what exactly you’re working for. There are so many times in a year, in a month, in a week, in a day that I want to give up. Throw everything I have worked so hard for and crawl under a rock, where no one can judge me, where I don’t judge myself. But I don’t. I push, and I push, and I push until I feel like I am going to implode. Because that is what makes us stronger.  Everyone that struggles with anxiety, or depression, or whatever their demons may be, that is what makes us stronger and more able to take on whatever is thrown at us.  And being a strong person, a person that can endure so much on the inside and out, may not seem like something that is important, but it is.  It is the thing that I like most about myself and that is coming from someone who loves to put them self down.  

When you look back at your life, the things that you are going to be amazed at are not the things that were given to you or that happened to you, but it will be all the hardships that you have endured and how you were able to surpass and survive them.  And the best part is that you don’t have to go through your hardships, struggles, and demons alone. You can rely on others to help you, and listen to you, and love you.  This is harder said than done, and it is something I struggle with myself.  I haven’t been able to rely on my family and I feel like I am burdening my friends with the same things over and over again.  But, if it weren’t for them, if it weren’t for them caring and loving me, I don’t know how I would be able to survive.  So don’t feel like you are alone, because you’re not.  No matter how lonely you feel, no matter how little or insignificant you feel, you matter.  You matter.  It may be hard to find that someone or a group that you can trust, that you feel comfortable with, but once you do it’s extraordinary.  Anxiety and loneliness have been the darkness that has pulled me down and made me want to give up, but it’s the ones that I love that are my light that help me fight my darkness every day.  Don't ever give up, because you deserve more.  Keep fighting and working and pushing until you are able to breathe again.  Until you are able to look back and say, “Yeah…I did do that.”  Rely on whoever or whatever makes you feel safe, and trusted, and comfortable because they will help you get wherever you need to go.  Never give up on who you want to be and what you want to achieve, because I’ve been told, it will all be worth it.

So if you’re reading this, keep going.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

Anonymous, University of Virginia

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