Alexander S.
Photography by Alejo Mejia-Tejada
If you’re reading this, you aren’t meant to understand everything in your life.
Of all the things in the world that I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, this would be it. Growing up, I always had a plan, goals I set out to accomplish and people I aimed to please. I was, and still am, quite stubborn, and I used to always pride myself in knowing exactly where I was headed and what my life would look like.
And for some time, I had a good grasp on where I was headed. I grew up in a small farm town, a tight-knit community full of wonderful people and a family business to carry on once I finished college. I was determined to attend Colorado State, make the most of it as my parents and grandparents did, and return right back home to work with my family. In typical prideful fashion, I was certain that all of this would happen, and I knew exactly what my life would be like.
I thought I knew better; I thought I knew what was coming next, but the good Lord had other plans for me, plans to send me to the other side of the country to an unfamiliar place full of people I didn’t know. I knew this was His plan for me, but as I continued my Clemson journey, I couldn’t help but ask why.
Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? How am I going to get through this? Is this really where I’m meant to be?
It became easier and easier for fear and doubt to set in, and what once felt like independence shifted into isolation all too often. My grand college plan, and my life in general, were continuously thrown off and only continued to spiral, sometimes for the best and sometimes for the worst. I found myself reaching for even a shred of understanding as to why my life is the way it is. Too often these past few years, I have found myself longing for understanding, longing to know exactly where I will end up and who I will be. There have been far more anxious nights and tears shed than I’d like to admit, but that’s the honest truth.
But if burdensome times have taught me anything, if I’ve learned anything from my time in college, it’s this: you and I are not going to understand so many things in life, but we’re not supposed to.
I get it. Each and every one of us has a deep desire to know and understand. I have found myself thinking, “If only I could understand why this happened,” or “If only I knew where I’m going, “ I’ll be happy and finally have some peace. But this conditional way of thinking has never led me to happiness; it’s never led me to peace.
My only moments of peace, my only moments of rest, of contentment, of sound mind, of confidence, of hope, have all only been found through Jesus Christ. I know firsthand that personal planning or attempts to control the people or circumstances in your life will not yield you any of these things, especially peace.
Peace and true rest are found in trusting the One who controls everything, even what you don’t understand, because He has planned it all. What God has planned for you is better than anything you could ever imagine for yourself, and let me tell you something: He will never fail you. Never has, never will. He will lead you where you never planned to go, to places, to people, through moments of difficulty, to mold you into the incredible person He created you to be.
So the next time you find yourself weighed down by the crippling pressure to understand your past, your future, or any moment in between, give it to the One who understands it all.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”
Proverbs 3:5-6
Alexander S., Clemson University
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