Jack B.
Photography by Satya Yalamanchi
If you’re reading this, the path to recovery isn’t linear.
If you are perfectionistic, impatient, easily discouraged, or all of the above (like me), this could be one of the harder pills to swallow when facing mental illness. But it wasn’t until I accepted this fact that I started breaking through the wall.
Why was every leap forward followed by several steps backward? When will I finally be in the clear? For several years, I desperately tried to put a timeline to my struggles with anxiety and depression. “I’ll be all better the moment I’m discharged from the hospital,” I told myself. And after that I thought, “Maybe after this second stay, it’ll be over.” How about after going to college? Once I transfer schools? These things all happened, yet here I find myself years down the road taking a medical leave for mental health reasons. It seems like every time I come up for air, I am pulled right back under.
But that’s the reality of the journey. There’s no set timeline or number of boxes that must be checked. That’s not to say these things are endless, because I know that one day I will be at peace. However, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over the bumps in the road. I still struggle with symptoms daily, but I’m in a much better place than I was years ago. Why would I torture myself over small setbacks, or days when it feels like nothing’s moving forward? Catastrophizing these lapses or plateaus only drags you farther down the hole.
Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself when you don't feel like you're making progress, because it is truly a journey of growth, improvement, and acceptance. Even when it may not feel like you're actively advancing, looking back on where you were a year ago can reveal just how far you've come. It’s often the small, unnoticed moments that will make the biggest difference over time: talking to friends and family, expanding your support system, and allowing yourself to be loved. Everyone's journey is unique and you should focus on doing the best you can.
Recovery will not be instantaneous. But no matter the path you take, the day will come. The most important thing right now is that you're alive and trying.
Jack B., Duke University
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