Angie S.
Photography by Jessica Pentel
If you’re reading this, where you are is exactly where you belong :)
Growing up in Philadelphia was an experience that shaped large pieces of my identity in a way that often makes me stand out at UVA. Coming from an inner city high school and going to a prestigious university is enough to have made my entire support system proud of me, which I am thankful for every day. Their well wishes and belief in me has given me enough strength to carry me to my third year. However, my place of origin versus where I am now has affected me in a way that often makes me feel out of place, as if I do not belong at UVA because I lack the resources, knowledge, and income that many of my peers have.
Philadelphia is an extremely diverse environment. That goes to say that I have never necessarily had a hard time finding friends that were different from me but especially friends that shared similar qualities with me. I attended a predominantly Black high school and many of the extracurriculars I was involved with were targeted toward low-income students from the inner city. I graduated from my high school at the top of my class and, despite the fact that I lacked many of the resources that many students at UVA had (i.e. AP and IB coursework), I made it to UVA in fall of 2021 proud of myself but fearful of the prestige of this school.
Upon arrival, with faux locs that touched my thighs and a thick “Northern accent” (as many of my friends like to call it), people seemed to look at me as if I had an extra head. I knew immediately that I stood out and not necessarily in a good way. People would often ask me questions that illustrated that they did not believe that I was in the right place and sometimes I believed the same. From legacy students prying into my life as a first generation college student to classmates explaining how they achieved above a 4.0 GPA because of their high grades in AP Biology after I explained that my resources in high school were limited. Getting up to go to class each day became such a constant struggle that I eventually stopped wanting to go.
As an existential 17 year old, I would often question the meaning of life, constantly plagued by the question of, “Why are we here?” except now, as a first year at UVA I began to literally question why I was here. I mean, did I truly ever belong at UVA or am I just some poor attempt at increasing the number of Black students at UVA? Have I taken up someone’s spot? Perhaps someone more deserving than I? I became more depressed by these questions than puzzled after a while. After all, school was my life. I wasn’t good at sports in high school nor was I any sort of genius entrepreneur who wouldn’t need school by any means. Academics was all I knew. Yet, I was in a space where I wasn’t necessarily regarded as a scholar anymore but rather a stain on the school’s reputation. This made me question my place in the world and whether I should have ever truly gone to school.
Large pieces of my identity were already picked apart and questioned by others to the point where I felt it was okay to do the same to myself. After my identity as an academic scholar was broken down, I realized I had nothing left to feel proud of about myself. No athletic records broken in high school, no awards for outstanding service, and, from the looks of it, I didn’t necessarily even have a home to be proud of if you were to ask my classmates. I felt lost in a way that I hadn’t ever before. If I had nothing at all to contribute to the world, I always thought that at the very least I was smart. Yet, I didn’t even have that anymore and along with my confidence, I began to lose my willpower, too. With every step I took to class, the space I was so excited to come to felt more and more unfamiliar to me, ironically enough. The longer I existed in this space, the more isolated I felt from UVA’s “culture”.
That is, until I began to place myself in spaces where I could serve the communities I considered myself to be part of. For example, volunteering at the Office of African American Affairs (OAAA) for “Black Friday” during my second year put me in a much better headspace than I was in during my first year. Knowing that, although Charlottesville is nothing like my city, I could find a home away from home right on campus made me feel more welcome.
While I wish I could say that my academically-centered existential crisis came to some spontaneous resolution, it never did. Although I wanted this to be the case, volunteering and centering my community did not cure my imposter syndrome. In my third year, I still wrestle with feeling like I’m not “good enough” to go to UVA. However, my approach is much different. I understand that I don’t come from one of the best schools in NOVA or have parents who went to UVA nor do I necessarily have the resources that everyone else does. On top of that, as a STEM major, I am typically one of the only Black women in many of my classes. Yet, that doesn’t deter me.
While I lack so much that others have, I have myself to continue to pour into and receive from to get all of the strength that I need. I realize what it took to get myself here and I do what I can to get myself through each and every day whether that be by spending hours on the second floor of Clemons library or deciding to retire from studying for the night a bit earlier than normal and focus on cleaning my space. So even if I don’t do well on every test or become president of every club on Grounds, I know that I have come so far and that this is only the beginning. Additionally, I remind myself that I am not the only person on Grounds who feels this way.
Over the years, I have made friends with so many brilliant people who have yet to recognize their brilliance. While I write this letter to all students at UVA, regardless of what they look like or where they come from, I hope this letter reaches women of color as this is the demographic the previous sentence addresses. So many of my friends who are filled to the brim with talent, drive, and genius are women of color who are too stuck in wondering if they deserve what they have to shoot for the stars. There is so much more out there for you but in order to get it, you must realize that you are more than worthy.
Today, I write this letter to say that if you did not deserve what you had, you would have likely never had it. The admission to UVA was well deserved, as well as the accolades received after admission, the friends you have made, and everything good in life that will come after. You have earned it! Now it is time to enjoy the ride. So, if you are reading this: you are exactly where you belong and, oh, the places you’ll go!
Angie S., University of Virginia
Introducing Angie, our newest Peer Contact. The Peer Contact program connects students who may need a listening ear to an IYRT member. Angie is a fellow student who can listen and empathize as well as share resources available at UVA. She has completed a Psychological First Aid course, but she is not a certified counselor and is obligated to report any situations where she believes a student may harm themselves or others to UVA CAPS. Please feel free to reach out to Angie via the Peer Contact form at the bottom of the UVA Homepage.
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